Did Sushant not believe in his talent?

Saurabh Tankha

Am I angry at Sushant Singh Rajput? Yes, I am. I have no sympathies for him. I am sure hundreds of you out there will pick up cudgels on his behalf on how he was so ‘cornered’ and how the gang of Bollywood biggies drove him to tie that noose around his neck. I agree with all of that – that those who cause him to go under depression, those who were pulling him back from the success that was due to him, the achievements that beckoned him, should all be put behind bars. They should be tried for culpable murder. But I still cannot condone what Sushant did to himself.  

Was the success as a film star only yardstick in his life? Why was he so eager to be ‘a part of the filmwalas’? Why did his being uninvited to Deepika-Ranveer marriage affect him so much? Why did Karan Johar’s comment hit his heart so hard?

Actors are creative people and creative people are sensitive. Agreed. But don’t creative people have any self-worth? Didn’t Sushant believe in himself? Was he not sure of his talent? Did he never consider the love he got from millions of his fans? Did the care of other members of his wider family and friends mean nothing to him? Did he ever love his sisters? And what about the father? The simple man from Patna who quietly stood by him when he wanted to study engineering in Delhi, and then when he wanted to quit studies to venture into the uncertain world of films? What was his fault? That he supported his only son, through thick and thin. Never even once putting his foot down. And this is what he gets in return – his son’s dead body.

Why was Sushant so eager to enter into one of Bollywood coteries? He was a fine actor. I first watched him in Pavitra Rishta on Zee TV, and he came across as a sensitive, effortless actor. Then I saw him in MS Dhoni: The Untold Story and Kedarnath and felt that he could get into the skin of a character with ease. I saw his Chhichhore as well and though I didn’t like the film – the plot was timely but the package jarring to my sensibilities. But it is not the point. The film talked about the futility of committing suicide. Did Sushant pick this film just to earn some hard cash, for the extreme step he took shows that he never believed in the storyline of Chhichhore?

If he was alive I would have asked him all these questions. But sadly, he isn’t!