Rajkumari Sharma Tankha

You must have heard spiritualists and healers tell you, “love yourself”, especially if you are going through some personal issue or relationship crisis.

Why do they say so? Well, because lack of self-love is at the root of all problems we face in our life. And these wise souls (spiritualists) know we humans cannot accept our physical imperfections and intellectual incapabilities. We are often quite critical of ourselves – we don’t like the way we look, are intolerant of our mental and social abilities. Many people are ashamed of their family backgrounds, others look down upon the way their parents brought them up… Then there are others who are dissatisfied with their jobs or don’t value it all and do it grudgingly, still others are unhappy with their life partners and, even kids. In short, most of us feel we are just never enough.

The result: We live a disgruntled life, unhappy about everyone and everything around, and always thinking that God has not dealt us good. By remaining unhappy and thinking negative about self we only attract more of it in our life, and before we realise life becomes a mess which, we feel, we cannot get out of.

But, what if I tell you that it is actually possible to get out of the mess!

All you need is your mind to be with you. That you have to love yourself with all your plusses and minuses. Understand that there is no single perfect person in this whole wide world. That no one’s life is a proverbial bed of roses. That each person has his/her own challenges, the only thing is others are unaware about those. And, more importantly, no one outside of you is as critical about you as you are of yourself. It’s like your mind working against you, putting you down, even before others have had a chance to do so.

So, why do others seem so happy and contented in life? And how can we improve our situation?

Self-love! And more of it. Start loving yourself, warts and all. It will help you accept yourself in a wholesome manner, even your shadow side, the dark side. This will surely lead to profound positive changes in your life.

Now, you will ask what is this shadow self?

A shadow self is that part of us whose existence we deny. All negative emotions are stored there – anger, resentment, pain, trauma – all of which we dislike in ourself and hence disown. The parts of self which we don’t want to accept, exist. The point is if you deny your wholesome existence, how can you begin loving yourself?  You cannot!

You think you are protecting yourself by denying the existence of negative emotions, the childhood traumas and pains, but it is not so. Living such a double life leads to complexities, sooner or later.  So, if you are on short fuse, accept it and work towards improving yourself. If you were mistreated or illtreated in your childhood by your parents or close ones, accept your role in the situation, forgive them and yourself and make peace. Understand, that whatever happened was important for the growth of your soul. Accept who you are, in fact, even others as they are. Failing to do so, and making peace with all these different aspects of self leads to significant suffering and distress in later life. The sooner you deal with it, the better.

It is easier said than done, you will say.

True. But, there is a technique. Chant the following before you go to sleep each night. And keep these thoughts in your mind always:
I love and accept myself in entirety.
I am a lovable, loving and peaceful soul.
My shadow is valuable to my soul’s growth and progression.

See the magic begin 21 days later.


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