Attention Mums of Sons

Rajkumari Sharma Tankha

A 21-year-old woman is killed after a 34-year-old man who had been stalking her for more than a year stabs her, at least, 22 times with a pair of scissors. Her only fault was that she dared to say no to his proposal. A 23-year-old woman is thrown off the balcony of her second-floor flat by her alleged stalker. Again, for refusing to accept his marriage proposal. Two incidents of a similar kind in one single day reported from one city. And this brings me to think, if two are reported from one city, how many more would there be if we consider the entire country? And how many of such cases must be going unreported daily?

And more importantly, it sets me thinking. Does a girl have no right to say “no” to a boy? Should a girl accept a proposal just because she has been approached by a boy lest she be killed? Is the male ego so fragile that it cannot accept “no” for an answer? Are parents bringing up their boys in a right way? Obviously not.

Because, there is a vast majority of boys for whom a girl’s refusal becomes a matter of bruised ego. These are the boys who are being brought up in an atmosphere where their every whim and fancy is being fulfilled by the parents, mainly the mothers. Yes, it is basically the mother who has a greater role in shaping the character of a boy. If a child sees his mother accepting every good and bad thing from her husband, a boy grows up thinking that it is his birthright to rule over a girl. And, he thinks that he has an absolute right over a girl’s attentions if he has set his eyes on her; that a girl must feel obligated to him for choosing her.

So mums of boys, this ranting is for all of you.

Be better role models for your children; through your behavior show your sons that you are not the property of their father. Learn to put your point across in family discussions and stand your ground. This way you will be teaching your sons that a girl he is interested in has a mind of her own and that he has to respect.

Please bring up your boys in a more balanced way. Mould their character in a way that they feel comfortable with themselves, accept themselves evenly after a girl’s rejection. Tell your son that he cannot be the apple of every girl’s eye. And he shouldn’t try to be one.

Agreed, rejection is painful, but not understanding the rejection, needing elaborate reasons as to why a girl rejected you, or just not accepting it is the real problem. Tell your son that it’s okay to be rejected, to handle rejection gracefully. There are plenty of girls out there, and in time he will get someone who is most compatible to him. Till then, just wait…peacefully. Don’t be angry or unhappy about it. With time things will surely get better.

Another important thing, teach your sons to invest smaller amounts of time, emotions and resources into a bigger number of friends. A boy may still get rejected. But it will hurt less because of smaller investments. Tell your boy to be picky and sensibly picky. One of those small relationships may convert into something bigger and then he can invest more. But until you find out who is worth your time, don’t unduly indulge. And please DON’T GET OBSSESSED.

Straight From Heart