Journeying towards self-discovery, self love

Rajkumari Sharma Tankha

Self-love. What exactly is it? Isn’t self-love being selfish? How can self-love lead to greater fulfilment and a happy you and your surroundings?

Well, if you are grappling with all these questions and not getting satisfactory answers from your friends on the spiritual path, then Time To Come Home is for you. Written by Damini Grover, the book by Hay House Publishing, seems one of the finest and easiest work to understand self-love, which Grover has explained with real life examples and anecdotes, in lucid English. She has included many of her conversations with her clients/ patients seeking therapy (she is a practicing psychologist and life coach), which helps one understand the mindset and the concept easily.  The fact that most of the issues around lack of self-love are universal and not person-specific is hugely comforting as it reinforces the fact that we are all living a similar life, facing similar challenges.

The book not only talks about self-love in detail but also guides one on how to develop the love for self, with practical tips and techniques.

But before self-love comes self-forgiveness. And the book talks about the importance of forgiving self with much compassion. Each of us commit some wrong acts inadvertently, almost on a daily basis. Sometimes, we aren’t even aware of our acts, but these very seemingly harmless acts accumulate to hit back in the form of some greater mishap. And that’s the time when a person knows not what to do. One indulges in self-pity or regret; get angry at self and feel guilty about it. That’s is the time when one must forgive self. Forgiving self is the toughest task, next only to self-love. But, the fact is, without self-forgiveness, self-love cannot come.

Time to Come Home is not only about self-love, it surely has a lot more to offer its reader. It tells us that in trying times we are living wherein success means external validation, it is the internal acceptance that helps one lead a truly successful life. For, success is not having a hi-paying job but the enjoyment that satiates the soul from doing the job we are into.

What’s interesting as also gratifying is the fact that the author has shared an ample number of her own personal stories before giving any advice. And this is what makes a reader feel that she is one of us, not some elevated, hi-fi self-actualised guru who is above all worldly miseries. For, a concept can be understood easily when it comes from one of our won tribe! Isn’t it?

Come Back to Home as the title suggest, tells us that all growth begins with self. Home is self, the jeevatman, that one must connect to if one wants to achieve something outwardly. Come back to inner self, calm your inner-self, make it happy and contended, heal your heart and tend to your wounds, build your self-esteem before you think of achieving anything worldly.

The book is an easy read. Doesn’t have any difficult words or terms, the author has not talked in air nor has she assumed a high and mighty position and dictated things to readers taking them to be some lowly beings! There are no abstract concepts, no affirmations.

And the icing on the cake? Written exercises, that help readers recollect their thoughts, revaluate their approach as also provide answers as to what they can do to improve those aspects. These exercises are a great way to understand one’s own mind, and make a clear-cut path for self to walk upon to achieve peace and joy.

A must read for everyone.

A few nuggets from the book

1. To love someone or something is to treat them with warmth, understanding, acceptance, care, and concern for their well-being.
2. Self-love is a transformative mindset. Without embracing this mindset, we remain tethered to a life of disconnection. It becomes a superficial existence, where we seek love solely from external sources.
3. Self-awareness is not just the knowledge of your food choices, fashion preferences, or colour preferences. It involves understanding and being conscious of how your experiences have shaped you into a unique individual.
4. In the absence of this capacity to recognise and cherish your worth, you will incessantly pursue validation, approval, and appreciation from others, which can be detrimental in the long run.