Open Letter: On Inter-Religion Marriages and the Need to Stop Over-Validation
Rajkumari Sharma Tankha
A Personal Note Before I Begin
For some days now… no, not days, I think months, I have been wanting to write this letter. But before I pen down my thoughts, let me tell you that I am quite a rational person. To me, all people are equal—no matter what religion, caste, creed, faith, state, or country they belong to. I believe no religion teaches hatred or one-upmanship.
I have utmost respect for individual personal space, and I do not worry about what a person does in his/her private life. It doesn’t affect me. AT ALL.
When Personal Choices Become Public Displays
The problem begins when those personal practices come out in the open and I unwittingly get subjected to moral lessons—either through words or actions. That is when it starts bothering me.
Of late, I have noticed a trend where couples in inter-religion marriages are not just sharing their lives, but almost flaunting them—sometimes even in a way that seems to deride others who may not be as ‘advanced’ as them.
The Social Media Narrative
“We pray together—he with folded hands, me with open ones, or vice versa.
We eat together—he his mutton-rice, me my dal-roti, or vice versa.
He loves his saffron kurta, I love my green sharara, or vice versa…”
…and so on, and on and on…
So what?
The Urge to Showcase Private Lives
Why this compulsive urge to showcase what you do in your private lives? I am sure your family, friends, and colleagues already know. Why announce it to the world—to people who are not even part of your life’s journey?
Love Beyond Religion—The Real Reason
You married out of love, I assume. The fact that you belonged to different religions was NOT the primary reason for your marriage. And since you entered into this bond knowingly, it is obvious that your ways—prayers, food habits, attire—will differ.
These differences are natural and will remain. So please accept them as normal. And more importantly—YOU BE NORMAL too.
Is It About Validation or Superiority?
Or is this about projecting a glamorous life? Or subtly suggesting that those who married within their religion missed out on being ‘modern’?
Either way, it doesn’t work. Because honestly—NOBODY cares. No one outside your immediate circle is concerned about who you married, how you pray, or what you eat.
What Truly Matters in a Marriage
When a person falls in love, they don’t look at caste, religion, or nationality. Love simply happens. And it grows through shared values, compatibility, and mutual respect.
Adapting to each other’s customs is natural. But the real essence of a successful marriage—inter-religion or otherwise—lies in loyalty, understanding, and love.
Outer Differences vs Inner Values
The colour of skin, the place of worship, or clothing choices are merely external layers. What truly matters is what resides within—the heart and the mind.
A Reality Check
So, settle down. It’s okay to marry someone from a different religion. It’s normal to have different habits, beliefs, and practices. It’s even natural to change for each other.
But none of this gives you a halo.
When Sharing Becomes Overdoing
It stops being normal when you constantly advertise it—flooding social media with endless selfies (and let’s be honest, too-close, out-of-focus pictures are painful to see) and preaching about being ‘modern’ and ‘secular’.
Oh, stop it.
You Don’t Need Validation
Marrying someone from a different religion neither makes you a hero nor a villain. You don’t need validation for your choices—especially not from strangers on social media.
Or is it that you are constantly seeking validation because you yourself are unsure of your decisions and the path you have chosen?
